Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
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