I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
