Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
quick I need to know all the foods that the very hungry caterpillar ate
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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