Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
