I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
