Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
