i think i recognize dicks better than faces
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
Randomize
