sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
