That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
Im listening to a jazz version of dick in a box.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
