go do what you do best...puke behind churches
So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
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