Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I have surprise drugs for everyone
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
