I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
Randomize
