Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
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