Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
That is our entire relationship. We match bowls and give each other head. What more could you possibly want?
Randomize
