i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I lost the right to judge tonight
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
