Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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