brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
You were dancing around the clubbing yelling "best wingman ever" and raising your cast in the air
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
