Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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