guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
