Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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