Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
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