I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
