Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
i am craving dick and cupcakes
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
