he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
