What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
