I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
Well how sick are u. Ive got a good immune system.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
