My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
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