this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
if she leaves who will i have to secretly talk about behind thier back
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Randomize
