when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
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