I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
