I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
