I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
