I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
