And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
