Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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