There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
