I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
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