I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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