Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
she has her graduation year in her skype name, it's like a constant reminder that she's jail bait.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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