I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
