we have pet lesbian snakes
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
