Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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