why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
where does the pee come out of this thing
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
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