hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
