I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
Let's get the cat blown out
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
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