I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
True strength comes from lack of pants
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Randomize
