if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize
