i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Sorry about my life...
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Randomize
