i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Randomize
