Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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