I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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